Most Funny Christmas Wishes, Messages and Quotes
If you want to send some good Funny Christmas wishes to your friends and loved ones this Christmas, you’ve come to the right place. Here we have a list of witty, humorous, and funny Christmas messages and jokes that will make them smile, if not laugh. Scroll down and browse our Christmas jokes and funny Christmas wishes images below.
Funny Christmas Wishes Messages Quotes
- This is the time of year to be grateful to Jesus because he got you a few extra days off from work.
- Thanks to autocorrecting, the children who don’t check over their work will be getting a visit from Satan this year.
- It’s the thought that counts, and I put a ton of thought into picking out this Christmas card for you!
- One of the best things about Christmas is the office Christmas party. It’s an excellent opportunity to finally meet face-to-face with the people who you’ve been emailing from a few feet away all year.
- I like my men like I like my Christmas ornaments: bright, colorful, and well hung!
- Do you know why this Christmas card is so beautiful? Because it isn’t an email, and it isn’t a text.
- Money is scarce, times are hard, but I still managed to get you a Christmas card.
- A Christmas greeting from a lawyer: Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Disclaimer: the wisher of these wishes claims no liability, the terms ‘merry’ and ‘happy’ should not be construed as legal advice and the word ‘Christmas’ should be interpreted as including any other holidays, religious or otherwise, that occur in/or around the same time of year.
- Sorry to inform you, but Christmas is canceled this year. YOU told Santa you were good this year, and he died laughing.
- Can I please have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
- Does anyone else think it is strange that we allow an old, fat man to sneak into our house in the middle of the night, eat cookies and drink milk and then fill our socks with his junk?
- I am permanently on the naughty list, and damn proud of it too!
- I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall, and guess what that jerk did? He called her a ‘ho’ three times!
- Twas, the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was on their phone.
- “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of Santa?” – Bart Simpson
- “Christmas is the time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller
- “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno
- “Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Berry
- “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple
- “Santa knows Physics: Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That’s why Benny, the Blue-nosed reindeer, never got the gig.” – Neil deGrasse Tyson
- “I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” – Demetri Martin
Funny Christmas Messages and Funny Christmas Greetings
- The only present you can gift Jesus during his birthday is good behavior. You can try to be good today then go back to normal after Christmas.
- I am sending love, care, and great cheer your way during this Christmas. I hope you remember this message in case we don’t end up meeting during this Christmas.
- Make sure you have all the children in the family playing together with such that they are all distracted, and you and all the grown-ups can meet up, drink silly and enjoy Christmas.
- With all the snow during Christmas, make sure you set up a lot of indoor fun activities so that Christmas does not turn out to be boring. Make merry thing Christmas.
- A good Christmas gift is the landlord forgoing the December rent so that you can find more money to drink and make merry. Have fun and enjoy this Christmas.
- With all the bills of the Christmas and new year, I know you are not sure how you will manage this season. I wish you the best of luck with the budgeting and try to make Christmas fun.
- May you forgive your enemies and those that have done you wrong. I am giving you a heads up to forgive me for all the times I did you harm and maintain the Christmas spirit throughout.
- May sure you limit your children’s Christmas gifts because you are the one who will be paying for them, so think twice and happy a budget-friendly Christmas.
- I pray to see not just Santa but also the Three Kings this Christmas.
This is the time when I can kiss the person I want to along with a Christmas greeting without being slapped on my face. You are all I want for Christmas.
But of course, I would also appreciate much if I will get cars, houses, cash, and diamonds perhaps.
I wonder how old Santa Claus is.
Yippee! Another day again to receive, receive, and receive!
Christmas makes me feel nervous and threatened because I will see my godchildren again.
They say Christmas is a time for smiles.
How can I smile if my wallet has run out of cash?